If I woke up as a boy
I would be afraid.
I wouldn’t understand what
Had happened; where my remarkably
Female self had gone; what
I should do.
Soon, I would pull myself together
And throw on scraps of clothing,
Blending together.
After all, girls would be impressed with me no
Matter what I wore.
I would eat the breakfast made for me,
Throw the dishes in the sink.
Show the world that I’m a boy,
Inevitably they’d think
Only good things, only the best of me;
I was a boy, I had no one to impress.
If I lived life as a boy,
I would jeer and I would stare.
I would pointedly ignore and I would
Sit and I would wait for my
Opinion to be sought out,
The most important of them all;
I would drown in my self-righteousness-
Drip yet never fall.
If I lived life as a boy,
I know the world would know my name.
My brains would be an awe-inspiring thing,
My ideas grand, sophisticated,
“Mature” for my age.
They would see me as a competitor,
One who never had to prove their worth.
I would be named when people asked
Each other
The smartest of who they knew.
If I lived life as a boy,
I would hit on all the girls.
They would giggle, they would laugh,
My charisma shining,
Telepathic.
How did I know just what they wanted?
How did I know to be the eyes that saw them,
The eyes that scanned and
Saw more than their hair, their lips, their legs;
Their female anatomy and their female heads,
Their female thoughts and emotions,
Their female hopes and female dreams,
Their female fears, their female screams,
They are female,
Female
Female.
That is all I would ever see of them,
Before all of their accomplishments and
All of their self-worth.
If I were a boy,
I would be the loudest in the class.
I wouldn’t worry what the other boys thought,
If the girls thought I sat right,
Was poised right,
Looked right, felt right,
Because how could they ever
Be right?
If I were a boy I would
Make jokes that would get
Roars of laughter,
The same roars that would quiet to
Pathetic mewls
If I was a girl.
I would not worry if I was being annoying or
“Pick me,”
Picking the persona which
Did not match me.
If I could be a boy,
I would hold on to the girl
The one that saw me from afar,
Put my weakness in a jar,
She would keep it like a treasure.
If I could be a boy I would
See through her facade,
I would
See she wanted care, she wanted patience,
Wanted love.
The girl who took my flaws with
Open arms and kissed each one “hello;”
The girl who saw my soul, saw
What I could be,
And hoped that I saw her.
If I could be a boy
I’d hold her tight and
Tell her it’s okay.
I’d tell her being a boy doesn’t excuse
The harm we cause her every day.
I’d plead for her forgiveness
And I’d plead for that of her friends,
Nothing I ever did could be right,
Hurting angels with my “pain.”
And of course she would forgive me,
Wipe my tears away,
She’d hold me as I cried,
Tell me it would be okay.
And if I woke up as a boy again,
Now I wouldn’t be afraid.
Held deep inside the cradle
Of the world’s warm gaze.
A female arm would guide me,
I’d bite and I would laugh,
If I were a boy I’d make the world mine,
I would part it with my ignorance.
