In the beginning

…there was only one Gandalf, and only one Sauron. However, suddenly, when struck by lightning at the hands of Sauron, Gandalf split into all of the colored Gandalfs. Red Gandalf had the power of fire, and ran around screaming with sparklers in his hands and forest fires under his feet. Invisible Gandalf fled into the air and hid there for a while. Pink Gandalf came from the future and found himself a Harley motorcycle (not an ad) at some dealer in Rivendell and now uses it everywhere, wearing a big pink helmet and pink boots as he flies around yelling and never stopping, even to get through doors. He doesn’t open them; he just flies through them. 

Then Yellow Gandalf had a brilliant idea and went up to Sauron’s tower with a lemon and squirted it into his eye. Sauron’s (eye) screamed and closed, which ended the War of the Ring even before it had begun. The ring then exploded and Gollum was thrown into another universe. When Sauron’s great eye folded into an exact line, it became corrupted and fell apart, and out of the debris stepped Poly-ron, Sauron’s geometrical successor. He unfortunately became a circle due to his sheer amount of vertices and now spends his days aimlessly rolling around and spinning. Later Blue Gandalf decided to paint the landscape. No idea what happened after that, but he ended up painting the sky and began painting the ground, making it blue. Green Gandalf stopped him right before all the green Earth was made blue. Hence, the oceans, the seas, the continents, and the islands. 

~

Elsewhere, the Hobbits decided to invite Toilet Gandalf to dinner. He arrived at the table on a large white chair, which on closer inspection turned out to be a toilet. He rolled to the dinner table and the Hobbits laid out the food. However, around halfway through, loud noises began coming from the end of the table. 

Everybody turned and looked at Gandalf, and one of them said, “What was that sound?’ Toilet Gandalf realized that he was being watched and conjured up a privacy screen. The noises continued, and the meal ground to a halt as the eaters sat, not knowing what to do. 

Suddenly, a hobbit kid said, “Your sound is on.” and Gandalf said back: 

“Oh I’m sorry, I’ll mute myself.” Then the sound abruptly cut off. 

One of the Hobbits then asked, “How can you mute yourself? Are you a hologram?” A loud ¨uhhhhhhhh¨ sounded from the direction of Toilet Gandalf. 

The Hobbit continued. “What toilet are you on? Where are you?” More ¨uhhhhhhhh¨ noises came from the end of the table, and the hologram flickered, for Gandalf had thousands of toilets, each identical. Suddenly, the hologram glitched and the privacy screen disappeared, showing Gandalf. But he was sitting on an ordinary chair, and from the bathroom down the hall came the sound of flushing. Toilet Gandalf ended the call and the hologram disappeared, and the Hobbits heard the back door open and close. 

“Well,” said the hobbit kid. “That was weird.” Fortunately for him, Toilet Gandalf never heard him.

Green Gandalf came out of hiding and witnessed Red Gandalf making “art” by dropping bombs everywhere. He had called the destruction ‘craterism,’ and is founded by the idea that earth is two craters inverted and stuck together, and the surface had to be made perfectly flat. Green Gandalf, after being told by Yellow and Blue (and being their descendant), now wants to destroy Red Gandalf, and as of now, only Orange Gandalf and Purple Gandalf are willing to talk about him, as Orange and Purple are descended from Red. Purple Gandalf does not speak much, as he was the child of Red Gandalf and Blue Gandalf, and Blue Gandalf hated Red Gandalf more than Yellow Gandalf hated Red Gandalf. 

~

Later, Brown Gandalf came along, and waged war on the other Colored Gandalfs, prompting Yellow, Red, Blue, Green, Orange, Purple, Pink, and Maroon to team up. Thus, the 1st Great Gandalf War began. After Brown Gandalf won from sheer power and forced all of the other Colored Gandalfs to go into hiding, the Grayscale Gandalfs came to help him become the most powerful Gandalf (The Grayscale Gandalfs consist of Gray Gandalf, Black Gandalf, White Gandalf, and Shadow Gandalf). After that came Rainbow Gandalf and Multicolored Gandalf, and they attacked Brown Gandalf, who was tormenting the other colors. Rainbow Gandalf was just wearing rainbow robes, while Multicolored Gandalf was literally multicolored. 

Together they, along with Invisible Gandalf, managed to stop Brown’s reign of Blandity and what he called True Blehh, within which he was torturing everybody by declaring that Chocolate is better and that Coffee rules over Tea, for the Gandalfs were british, and then Shadow Gandalf slapped Invisible Gandalf in the face because he didn’t see him. Somehow, Invisible Gandalf was not offended. But then the Classified-Stuff Hobbit appeared with Many-Color Smaug, and the 2nd Great Gandalf War broke out. The dwarves all got turned into gold by Golden Gandalf, who teamed up with Silver Gandalf to bring peace to the world. The dwarves started to hide in the mountains and steal each other as trophies, as they now had an attraction to gold, except for that one dwarf who liked silver, and later was the only survivor.

Then after Brown Gandalf was defeated, the other colors came out of hiding and multiplied, their mutated descendants becoming the Letter Gandalfs and Number Gandalfs. White and Black Gandalf had their power briefly stolen by Red Gandalf, creating Maroon Gandalf and Pink Gandalf, who time-traveled back to the origin of the Multi-Gandaverse as the other Colored Gandalfs mutated. The Letter Gandalfs soon ran into a problem: The ABC affair. Unfortunately, A Gandalf and C Gandalf wanted to B with each other, but B Gandalf stood between them. Thus, they began to chase B all around Middle-Earth. 

Then after the Dictionary Affair, in which the Gandalfs began to fight with each other over how to properly write a dictionary without cramping the language (which they were themselves cramping by existing), they all vanished. Then somebody wanted to find Rainbow Gandalf’s pot of gold, and then Rainbow Gandalf became invisible to hide it, and only showed himself during the rain as a little man wearing a green suit. Thus, the legend of Lucky the Leprechaun was born! 

The Number Gandalfs were involved in the 789 affair, in which the Number Gandalfs began to fight after 8 Gandalf was destroyed by 7 Gandalf when he tried to stop him from destroying 9 Gandalf, and then 7.5 Gandalf was made and destroyed instantly due to the law of who-knows-what. 

Then, the Number Gandalfs became the Symbol-Gandalfs, and the Letter-Gandalfs became the Description-Gandalfs. (The new Gandalfs turned back into the original ones almost immediately.) Shiny and Dull Gandalf just… existed. Dull Gandalf doesn’t speak much, and is descended from Gold Gandalf and Gray Gandalf, who still exist somehow. Also Shiny Gandalf seems to have descended from Gray Gandalf as well, but it turned out that Rainbow Gandalf was experimenting and had taken a little of Gray’s DNA (which was a long rope accessible by pressing the Gandalfs’ hats, one can cut a little off and mass produce Gandalfs or mix the ropes to make new types of Gandalfians, and if regenerates infinitely) and had mutated it with Silver’s DNA, resulting in Shiny Gandalf, an ‘illegitimate’ child of Gray Gandalf. Rainbow Gandalf was later scolded by Multicolored Gandalf (after all, he made 2 new Gandalfs who didn’t know the full extent of their powers) and he promised not to do it again. 

~

He had later made Weird Gandalf and Hula Gandalf, but Weird Gandalf had left for an old mountain soon after being made and became Tin Gandalf, and Hula Gandalf had existed for about five seconds before realizing that hula-hooping did not exist in Middle-Earth and then had shortly disappeared, becoming Nothing Gandalf, a crucial part of the universe. Then Golden Gandalf tried to paint the sky but he forgot to account for the fact that the Earth spins (Red Gandalf set off a large kaboom, making the Earth spin because of the forces in motion) and instead painted only a large circle. Rainbow Gandalf was disappointed with the result and summoned Multicolored Gandalf to make it cooler for Rainbow’s own enjoyment. Hence the Sun was made! 

White Gandalf made the clouds and made them cover the sun in order to spite Rainbow Gandalf, but then Blue Gandalf decided that he wanted some rain and so thunderstorms came into existence and soaked White Gandalf instead. Black Gandalf made the thunderclouds when he dropped paint on some clouds. Silver Gandalf later made the moon. Yellow Gandalf was the origin of lightning. Green Gandalf planted and painted the grass with a bucket of paint made after three months, but White Gandalf painted the grass white with (nine months to make) paint which he had had left over from him creating the clouds, thus making snow.

Time Gandalf had disappeared when he had accidentally went too far back in time, and Space Gandalf disappeared when he tried to go and save Time Gandalf. It was at this moment that the ‘past’ was created. Orange Gandalf and Purple Gandalf collaborated to make oranges and grapes. Large-Ear Gandalf started a cult that everyone secretly joined but they all denied themselves joining and fought about it. Thus the 3rd Great Gandalf War had started. Then came Existential-Crisis Gandalf, who sought to confuse everyone, but confused himself out of existence instead. 

Gandalf Gandalf somehow became the fabric of the universe, PC Gandalf became the first computer, and Hacks-Gandalf and Scammer-Dealer Gandalf began scamming the silver Elves out of their mansions. (Silver Gandalf made the elves silver.) Then men and Goblins appeared. Multicolored Gandalf committed a ¨war crime¨ when he made all the humans wear robes and forced the goblins to become rainbow-textured. 

~

Gandalf-Gandalf-Gandalf came, and Smaug (who got turned into gold) got taken apart by the golden dwarves and used as house-building parts. Red Gandalf was stuck in a mountain for a little bit and tried to blow it up to escape but in the process had invented lava. Pi Gandalf came and tried to rule the world with his endless philosophies but went mad and destroyed himself. Infinity Gandalf came from the endless void and became the Earth because he was so big. Sauron-Gandalf came but destroyed himself because half of him hated the other half and vice versa. Fifty-Shade Gandalf came and tried to free Brown Gandalf, but was imprisoned instead by Gray Gandalf. 

Then the Elemental Gandalfs came along after being awakened by Red Gandalf’s screaming as he was trying to get out of the mountain, and rampaged across the world. Water Gandalf summoned down Blue Gandalf and shot him in the face with water, inadvertently giving Blue Gandalf the ability to make it himself, which he then did after he went back in time, filling the oceans and the clouds to make rain. Fire Gandalf went up to Red Gandalf and became friends with him. Earth Gandalf took one look at the land of Middle Earth and disappeared because of disappointment. However, he came back at the beginning of the Gandaverse to give Green Gandalf a lesson on how to properly do horticulture, but Green Gandalf only slapped green paint all over him and Earth Gandalf fell over, becoming the Lonely Mountain where Smaug later lived in his mouth. Air Gandalf went back in time and became Rainbow Gandalf after being touched by the rain, and gave Rainbow Gandalf his signature Rainbow. Aether Gandalf appeared and made the men and goblins, and then teleported them into the past where they were found by the other Gandalfs. Then he disappeared off to somewhere else, where he then ran into Platinum and Chrome Gandalf and made friends with them in another universe.

Then Rainbow Gandalf had a fight with Tin Gandalf, and created gold, but then Gold Gandalf got mad and turned it into bronze, which Rainbow Gandalf then used to make his pot for his pot of gold, which Gold Gandalf permitted. Then the Hobbits arrived and began to hunt for Smaug, unaware of his fate. (He’s now furniture.) Plutonium and Uranium Gandalf appeared by then accidentally made each other disappear by releasing too much radioactivity. Finally everyone became one Gandalf again, Gandalf the White, the original descendant of Gray Gandalf, somehow, who said that the entire world might be a simulation, but nobody believed him, wrote Remy. The end, wrote anonymous, wrote WROTE. Wrote unknown. Wrote somebody. Wrote the author to the power of infinity. 

To be continued…